Be gentle. It's all ok

It's surprising to me how 5 days have passed since my last entry. Im not sure if it's because Ive been in reflection mode, or just too busy of a schedule, or maybe it's a combination of the two. Ive been working for the last month to get my iron levels back to a more appropriate level, and I can tell that I am feeling a lot more human that I was before. I am so very grateful. I have had a list of over 40 appointment requests building up, and it's weighed heavily on my mind as something I would like to get to. I have been so blessed and grateful with the patience and kindness from all the wonderful clients that I see and how little pressure I have been receiving, but the internal pressure had been building. I think I like having a few balls in the air and a little bit of life juggle, and spending days on end unable to keep my eyes open, with a list of things increasing was just getting to be too much. Anyways, last week I saw a bunch of appointments and although I am tired, more physically than anything, I am so grateful. I think it feels really good to get things checked off and forward momentum. 

When I decided to start this online journal again, I had hoped to not go more than one to two days between entries because so much happens and then it just becomes harder to go back and remember all that has gone on. I'm trying right now to not get down on myself too much for letting 5 days sneak by, but the fact is, that's whats happened. Time to move on Christal. 

This week here in Calgary is Stampede week and I'm not super into it. I'm not really a big fan of Stampede, maybe because I feel it is filled with a ton of drinking and alcohol just isn't my jam. It's clear to me how growing up with an alcoholic father really adjusted the way I do life, and impacted the way I am today. It is what it is, but what breaks my heart is that alcohol still negatively affects the father-daughter dynamic. Addiction is hard. And Stampede time just doesn't interest me when it seems like the focus is hanging out, getting drunk and spending copious amounts of money on junk. Allegedly in our city, because of Stampede - we have a high percentage of births 9 months after (April) because of the culture of this week long event. Now, don't get me wrong, there are a ton of events and things one can attend sober and have a great time, but I will guarantee you, you will witness vomiting in corners, people passed out on sidewalks or green spaces, and adultery happening right in front of you. I know that if these people were sober and thinking farsighted that they would more than likely make different choices.  There is a show that I have been watching on Netflix, called Mom. And its basically about a Mother and Daughter (who is also a Mother) and the journey of them getting sober, and working the AA programme. I catch myself every few days curious to watch another episode as I feel like I may be getting some kind of healing from it. It's such a beautiful thing to see these two women change their life around, embrace their messiness and move forward. It's also had me consider if I would do good attending Al-Anon meetings again. I want to repair the relationship I have with my Dad and the fact is, I can only change myself. 

I haven't spoken to Dad in a few days, the last time he called on Thursday, when we called him back, he must have been busy and we haven't connected since, although he has left a few sober sounding voicemails. Im happy about this, and also, I think the allowing of some space, has been very loving for everyone. I've needed to refocus on my immediate family and the healing within here. I've needed to nurture myself back and advocate for replenishment and slower days. I've required dealing with things I have pushed aside and gaining clarity. Still a work in progress, but I can see things moving along. 

Just even time with the children and being slower has been a beautiful progression. 

After a busy weekend of working and serving clients, I knew that Sunday late afternoon when I was finished, I needed to decompress mindfully, or my go-to, would be to lay down and have a nap (usually ends up being for a few hours), so my request in the morning was maybe could we book tickets to our community pool and go swimming @ 3pm and have some time together. My amazing hubby, whom has been working his pa-tooty off all weekend too, serving the family with care, meals, lawn work, dog walks, etc - was hesitant but booked anyways. We ended up having a great time! Our son, 3, in the span of one week - was a totally different guy in the water. His confidence was so noticeable! He was kicking his feet, moving his arms, happy to swim alongside one of us back and fourth (life jacket of course), and then venture off between one family member to another unassisted. He went on the two slides, was willing to dunk and get his face wet, and it was such a beautiful, encouraging and exciting unfolding to witness. I am so, so, so proud of him and the effort he is making! Because lessons for him filled up so quickly this year, he won't be swimming with a group until late August - but regardless, if we can commit to once a week he will benefit so much (and we all will too!) How exciting! 

So, lesson learned this last week, growth happens. Sometimes it unfolds a little differently than anticipated but one step in front of the other and things happen!

ox 

C